This post is a loving response to the exquisite and vulnerable “Letter to the Women Who Sleep with My Man” by Pure Wilrieke. 

Dear sister,

Thank you.

Thank you for sharing your beloved with me. I am acutely aware that the time he spends with me could have been yours to enjoy. Your generosity defies everything I’ve known about the competitive culture of women.

I want you to know that I see you. I see you in the morning and at night when I think of him. I see you when I look into his loving eyes.

I want you to know that it is my intention to protect the unique bond that you alone have with him. That in no way will I attempt to take him from you. He belongs to neither of us, just as neither of us belong to him.

I honor the tenderness between you two. I look forward to getting to know the sweet soul that is magnanimous enough to share her love with me. Any person he chooses to devote his life to must be a magical creature indeed. We do not have to be best friends, but at the very least I wish for a sweet understanding that extends beyond mere acceptance or tolerance.

We are soul sisters now, navigating foreign waters that may at times feel choppy but always hold the promise of smooth, shimmering waves. I know that there is a little girl inside of you who is scared. Scared to lose him to a person that feels new and exciting. To whom you may not trust yet. I can try to understand and empathize.

What you may not know is that I have a scared little girl inside as well. A little girl who didn’t receive the nurture she should have until now. Who is scared of the cherished memories and deep roots that you already possess with him and I do not. That I will not measure up to the unique brilliance I see in you, and that he will one day decide to choose.

We were both borne of the standard narrative model where women are trained as prizefighters competing for the rare commodity that is a strong, leading masculine man who worships women. But instead, I choose to defy this model and collaborate to cherish our precious common ground as radiant metamours. Will you defy it with me?

I apologize if I seem awkward in our interaction. I have no context or framework to draw upon for guidance as I clumsily acclimate to this alien form of love.  Perhaps one day I will make you feel safe enough for you to guide me over the same bridges you’ve crossed as my ally, not enemy. And perhaps become immovable fixtures in each others’ lives.

Thank you for welcoming me into your life. Every day I will honor the work you do to enable his happiness, and mine. And every day I will work to enable yours.

~ In sisterhood ~

What an Actual Open Relationship Agreement Looks Like
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